Back to school for all

31 January 2024

Back to school for all

My two kids couldn’t be any more different from each other. Jo is so excited about going back to school she’s spending the last few days of the holiday pre-reading coursework. Roc on the other hand hates school and has dialled his mood down to ‘extra grumpy’ in preparation for the new term. Amongst all the teenage angst, the Albany Mega Centre, and its huge selection of stationery, clothing and shoes was everything I needed to get them back to school in 2024.

Jo is moving into year 13 after a very successful year 12. Her stated mission is to be Dux of the school. She’s determined that nothing will get in her way. Josh, from two-doors down who clearly has a teenage crush on her, has been told very forcefully that she has no time for boyfriends this year. As for female friends, Jo selected the two who will most help her on her mission. She’s allocated each of them set times in her 2024 schedule.

Jo confronted me at the dinner table three weeks ago with her list of school requirements. It seemed extra-long but I quickly uncovered that the school’s requirements were actually only about a third of the list. “You must take me stationery shopping tomorrow,” she declared. I asked Roc (real name Roger but apparently Roc is cooler) if he needed stationery. He looked at me as if I'd asked him if he wanted a colonoscopy. I took his grunt to mean “Yeah, but I don’t want to go with you.”

So Jo and I went to Albany Mega Centre together. We started at Warehouse Stationery, for all the basics like books, notepads, pens, pencils, rulers, sharpeners, protractors, advanced calculators, files, etc. A whole shopping trolley worth of stuff. Jo spotted a filing cabinet and told me how she must have it. She then publicly accused me of wanting her to fail year 13 when I suggested that it wasn’t essential. Not surprisingly, ten minutes later a young shop assistant was pushing it out to my car on a trolley.

The next stop was Noel Leeming for the latest, faster-than-light and Einstein-like brain-powered computer. There was no way she could reach her destined greatness with her old one. It would just slow her down. I had agreed she could have a new one if Roc took her old one. He said he didn’t care and took it, and quickly proceeded to load his games onto it and then graffiti the outside with rude pictures and words.

The teenage shop assistant at Noel Leeming was very impressed by Jo’s list of computer needs. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was flirting with her. Jo was totally oblivious to his compliments, gazumping his attention with difficult technical questions.

Seventy-five minutes later and child one is ready for school. Thanks Albany Mega Centre.

Over the next few weeks, I hassled Roc about getting out of bed long enough for us to go and get his back-to-school needs. Eventually, I just downloaded the list off the school website and went and got it all from the Warehouse Stationery myself. If he was grateful, he didn’t say so. I thought I was done until two days before school was due to start when Roc told me he needed new sports shoes.

We drove down to Rebel Sport, Roc in his hoodie to avoid people seeing him with me. I found a pair of white multi-sport shoes, with yellow hi-vis stripes. He explained that wearing those would get him beaten up by both the gay and the straight boys at school. By this point, I wanted to do the same! He walked off on his own and came back with a pair of trainers he liked. I then did what is apparently my sole purpose in life – to pay for whatever he wants.

On the way back to the car we stopped at Hallenstein Brothers for some t-shirts and hoodies to wear when hanging out with friends. I took that to mean “things to wear when I’m wagging school!” The last stop was Look Sharp Store for drawing stuff. This I approved of, even though the content and language of his art would trouble the national censor. Roc was good at art and I had high hopes of him becoming a graphic designer. I tried not to look too approving. I have learned that anything I approve of quickly makes it lame and not worth doing.

So that was child number two sorted as well. Two very different journeys but just one very useful place – the Albany Mega Centre - to get all the things kids need to get back to school.


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